9/10/98

I Am Iraq

(And other Israeli classics)

I Am Iraq

(based on Paul Simon's "I Am a Rock")

I am Iraq,
I am an oil land.
I have my germs
And my anthrax to protect me;
I am shielded by my army,
Hiding in my palace, safe within my bunker,
I crush no one and no one crushes me.
I am Iraq,
I am an oil land.
And Iraq feels disdain;
And Saddam never dies.

Pach the Magic Dumpster

(based on "Puff the Magic Dragon")
By Peter, Paul and Mary and Sam

Pach the magic dumpster
Lives by the shuk.
Putrid in the summer heat
In a land called Hacarmel.
Butcher Yossi Levy
Loved that smelly pach
And brought it fish
And rotten meat
And odious entrails.

Simple Shimon

(based on "Simple Simon")

Simple Shimon met two women
Going to the shuk.
Said Simple Shimon to the women,
"The voters were mistook."

Said the women to Simple Shimon,
"You seemed like Ahmed Tibi."
Said Simple Shimon to the women,
"But why'd you vote for Bibi?"

A Hard Yom Kippur

(sung to "A Hard Day's Night" by The Beatles)

It's been a hard Yom Kippur
And I've been fasting night and day
It's been a hard Yom Kippur
I should be eating, come what may.

But when I get home from shul
And you serve me your gruel
I'm not so hungry anymore.

You know I pray all day
To beg forgiveness for my deeds
Because all year I hear you say
I'm not filling all your needs...

Various attempts at a Jewish "Pied Piper"

Tzahi Shach shook a sack of Shas's s'chach.
A sack of Shas's s'chach Tzahi Shach shook.
If Tzahi Shach shook a sack of Shas's s'chach,
Where's the sack of Shas's s'chach Tzahi Shach shook?

Barbara Gerber grabbed a bag of burgled Bibles;
A bag of burgled Bibles Barbara Gerber grabbed.
If Barbara Gerber grabbed a bag of burgled Bibles,
Where's the bag of burgled Bibles Barbara Gerber grabbed?

Netanyahu Club

(sung to "Mickey Mouse Club")

Who's the leader of the state
That's made for me and you?
B-B-N ... E-T-A ... N-Y-A-H-U
Netanyahu! Netanyahu!
Hey there, hi there, ho there
He has shown what he can do.
B-B-N ... E-T-A ... N-Y-A-H-U.
Netanyahu! (Ehud Barak!) Netanyahu! (Ehud Barak!)
Forever let us hold his honor high, high, high!
David Levy, Arik, Raful, join the juggernaut.
B-B-N ... E-T-A ... N-Y-A-H-U.

Golan Heights Are Falling Down

Golan Heights are falling down,
Falling down, falling down,
Golan Heights are falling down,
Go tell Assad.

Lo, Vey, He

(Sung to Do, Re, Mi on the first day of ulpan)

Lo, a Hebrew form of No,
Vey, a word that follows Oy,
He, a girl, Israeli She,
Sa, you're being told to Go.
Bo, the opposite of Sa,
Ma, repeat yourself again
Li, I want it all for Me,
That is how we learn Ivrit.

The Rebbe Lies Over the Ocean

The Rebbe lies over the ocean,
The Rebbe lies over the sea,
The Rebbe lies over the ocean
So bring back the Rebbe to me

Bring back, bring back
Bring back Moshiah to me, to me...

Yasser, That's My Bibi

(based on all I can remember from "Yes Sir, That's My Baby")

Yasser, that's my Bibi,
Nasser, I don't mean Tibi.

Yellow Subaru

(An improvement on ג€œYellow Submarineג€)

In the kibbutz where I was born
Lived a man who moved to town
And he told us of his life
In the land of Subarus
So we tremped to Tel Aviv
Till we found a traffic jam
And we lived among the fumes
in our yellow Subaru.

We all live in a yellow Subaru
Yellow Subaru, yellow Subaru

Now our friends on the kibbutz
Got their wish -- a Mitsubish,
And the kibbutz is down the tubes.

We all live in a yellow Subaru
Yellow Subaru, yellow Subaru.

No more use for socialism,
Selflessness, and Stalinism.
VCRs, and pelephones
And our yellow Subaru.

We all live in a yellow Subaru
Yellow Subaru, yellow Subaru...

Rich Uncle's Troubled Daughter

(based on Simon and Garfunkel's ג€œBridge Over Troubled Waterג€)

When you're Israel
Feeling small
With teargas in your eyes
I will cry for you.
I'm on your side
When war breaks out
And allies can't be found
Like a rich uncle's troubled daughter
I will write a check.

Sell your silver, girl,
Sell and buy.
Your shekel's come to shine
Investors are on the way
See them stand in line
If you need a buck
My checkbook's right behind
Like a rich uncle's troubled daughter,
I will ease your debt;
Like a rich uncle's troubled daughter,
I will ease your debt.

Shabbos, Shabbos

(The Imas and the Abbas)

(any resemblence to "Monday, Monday" by the Mamas and the Papas is purely coincidental)

Shabbos, Shabbos, don't bother me
Shabbos mornin', I don't wake early.
Oh Shabbos morning, Shabbos morning
   Once a week I am free,
Then Sunday morning I'm back at the factory.

Every other day, every other day
    of the week is glum, yeah
But whenever Shabbos comes,
   but whenever Shabbos comes
You can find me lazing all of the time.

Miluim

(sung liltingly to "San Francisco")

If you're going to miluim
Be sure to wear a helmet on your head
If you're going to miluim
You're gonna meet unfriendly people there.

For those who serve in Leb-a-no-on
Don't expect to find a love-in there
On the roads of Leb-a-no-on
Gentile people with mortars in the air.

All across the nation, such a protestation
People in commotion --
We'll get out insh'allah
Away from the Hizbullah
Killers in motion, killers in motion...

If you get the call to Leb-a-no-on
Be sure you have some good protektzia
And instead of Leb-a-no-on
In Eilat will be a love-in there.

Get Back

(A Beatles/Orbaum collaboration)

Bibi was a man who thought he was a leader
But he knew it couldn't last
Bibi left his job as spokesman for the nation
Made it to the Knesset fast

Get back, get back
Get back to where you once belonged
Get back, get back
Get back to where you once belonged
Get back Bibi
Go home

Sarah Netanyahu thought she was First Lady
But she was embarrassing
Shrieking Leah Rabin said she's got it coming
But she doesn't get a thing.

Get back, get back
Get back to where you once belonged
Get back, get back
Get back to where you once belonged
Get back Sarah.

 

The Star-Spangled Intifada

Oh, say can you hear
By the dawn's early prayer
What so loudly we wailed
At the twilight's muezzin call?
Whose proud Stars and Stripes,
Soaked in gasoline --
O'er the dumpsters we watched
Were so gallantly burning?
The Ketyusha's on Dan,
The Scuds on Ramat Gan,
Gave proof, insh'allah,
Arab solidarity.
Oh say does that star-spangled
Intifada yet wage
O'er the land of Palestine
And our capital Quds.

 

Shapirim Street Bridge (Feelin' Grouchy)

(Ripped off Simon & Garfunkel. So sue me.)

Hurry up, you move too slow.
Yellow light means go, go, go.
Cabbies can't just sit and idle.
Looking for fares and feelin' grouchy.

Yalla motek,
Where ya goin'?
I'll honk if you have cleavage showing.
Won't you take a ride with me?
Give me the finger,
Feelin' Grouchy.

Got nowhere to go.
No business, no luck.
I'm horny and randy and ready to (bleep).
My meter is broken, I'll drive you for free.
Motek, I love you,
All is grouchy.