27/8/99
The
Greatest
Things
Never
Said
It's
high
time
this
country
had
its
own
book
of
quotations.
Hebrew
may
have
a
wonderfully
long
lineage
--
what
with
the
Bible
and
all
that
--
but
there's
a
definite
dearth
in
breadth.
I
mean,
what's
a
language
without
a
thesaurus?
What
kind
of
culture
doesn't
have
its
own
book
of
quotations?
In
the
matter
of
the
former,
there's
not
much
to
be
done
about
it.
Hebrew
has
a
word
for
everything,
but
that's
it.
And
many
of
those
words
are
barely
disguised
English,
with
a
guttural
spin
on
them
and
a
Hebrew
suffix
tacked
on
(dollarizatzia,
popkoren,
compek
diskim).
In
the
matter
of
the
latter,
something
can
be
done
about
it.
Israelis
have
said
some
memorable
things
over
the
years,
and
it's
high
time
some
local
Bartlett
gathered
the
pithiest,
profoundest
pronunciamentos
into
a
best-selling
volume.
Like
when
Golda
cleverly
said
to
Ben-Gurion,
"Nu?"
And
Ben-Gurion's
deathless
retort,
"Nu!"
(Clearly,
the
book
of
quotations
would
have
to
include
a
full
description
of
the
relevant
body
language,
without
which
Hebrew
is
a
totally
mute,
lifeless
tongue.)
Alright,
so
maybe
it
can't
be
done.
Hebrew
wit
is
contextual
rather
than
textual.
True
Israeli
communication
is
unspoken,
understood.
What
I
propose,
then,
is
a
book
of
English
quotes
translated
into
Israeli.
I'd
be
happy
to
author
such
a
book,
because
my
lifelong
dream,
as
a
writer,
is
to
be
cited
in
a
book
of
quotations,
and
the
way
things
are
going,
that's
not
about
to
happen.
(I
would
be
following
in
the
footsteps
of
Bartlett
himself,
who
never
said
anything
worth
mentioning
in
ג€Bartlett'sג€.)
Anyway,
this
is
what
I'm
getting
at:
"A
plaque
on
both
your
houses."
--
anonymous
donor
to
Hadassah's
two
hospitals
"Go
ahead
...
make
my
Shabbos."
--
haredi
threatening
a
driver
on
Bar-Ilan
Road
"Make
me
an
office
I
can't
refuse."
--
Shimon
Peres,
to
Ehud
Barak
"If
at
first
you
don't
succeed,
try,
try
again
and
again
and
again
and
again."
-
Shimon
Peres,
the
greatest
prime
minister
never
elected
"Build
it,
and
he
will
come."
--
joint
statement
of
the
Temple
Mount
Faithful
and
Habad
"The
winner
of
our
discontent."
--
analysis
of
Barak's
electoral
victory
"Laromme
wasn't
built
in
a
day."
--
harried
hotel
manager
on
opening
day
"Beware
the
march
of
ideas."
--
the
Satmar
rebbe
"You
deserve
a
boureka
today."
-
Sami
"Triple,
triple
toil
and
trouble."
--
me,
upon
becoming
a
father
"E=MTV2."
--
Arik
Einstein
"Beware
of
false
profits
in
cheap
clothing."
--
Kikar
Hamedina
motto
"The
blonde
bleeding
the
blonde."
--
Pnina
Rosenbloom,
purveyor
of
expensive
cosmetics
"Beter
Biber
bicked
a
beck
of
bickled
bebbers."
--
bobular
Balestinian
tongue
twister
"Don't
Kaul
me,
I'll
Clal
you.
--
former
Bezek
head
Yitzhak
Kaul
before
taking
up
his
current
job
"He
ain't
Levy,
he's
my
brother."
--
Maxim
Levy
JUST
SO
nobody
should
be
under
the
impression
that
only
Israelis
say
brilliant
things,
I
dare
say
the
collection
could
include
international
quotes
as
well:
"May
the
foreskin
be
with
you."
--
motto
of
interstellar
missionaries
"Peace
is
hell."
--
Milosevic
"That's
one
small
shtup
for
a
man,
one
giant
creep
for
mankind."
--
on
conception
of
Saddam
Hussein
"Medium-rare
is
the
message."
--
waitress
giving
the
kitchen
Marshall
McLuhan's
order
"Yesterday,
all
my
roubles
seemed
so
far
away,
now
it
looks
as
though
I'm
here
to
stay."
--
Russian
Jews
prevented
from
emigrating
because
of
a
loan
scam
"Man
cannot
live
by
red
alone."
--
Cezanne,
in
his
Blue
Period
"As
they
say
in
Japan,
'lead
my
rips'."
--
George
Bush
HEBREW
DOES
have
its
own
rich
source
of
quotable
wisdom,
such
as
Pirkei
Avot,
and,
of
course,
the
Scriptures.
But
what
have
they
said
in
the
last
thousand
years
or
so?
You
will
notice
that
Hebrew
speakers
don't
pepper
their
lingo
with
the
sort
of
universal
truisms,
maxims,
axioms
and
aphorisms
that
enrich
other
languages,
because
they
just
don't
translate
eloquently.
"Waste
not,
want
not":
natty,
right?
In
the
tongue
of
the
prophets,
that
comes
out
as
"Don't
want!
Don't
waste!"
Blunt,
intemperate,
in-yer-face.
Popular
proverbs
are
hardly
ever
used
in
English
anymore,
but
they
gain
fresh,
new
vitally
when
reworked
a
bit
to
become
relevant
to
the
modern
Israeli.
Like
f'rinstance:
God
helps
those
who
daven.
A
stitch
in
time
saves
a
trip
to
the
Russian
immigrant
up
on
the
fifth
floor
with
no
elevator
on
the
edge
of
town.
Spare
the
rod
and
you're
a
freier.
A
penny
saved
is
a
penny
devalued.
What
kind
of
Zionist
throws
out
the
baby
with
the
bathwater,
with
such
a
water
shortage?
The
meek
shall
not
inherit
the
territories.
No
news
is
unheard
of.
Being
Israeli
is
never
having
to
say
you're
sorry.
Nothing
succeeds
like
cheating.
Let
my
people
go,
to
America.
Ask
not
what
you
can
do
for
the
party
until
you're
sure
what
the
party
will
do
for
you.
The
train
in
Israel
stays
mainly
on
the
drawing
board.
Everything
comes
to
those
who
push
in
line.
The
customer
is
always
right?!
Admittedly,
it's
a
very
thin
book
so
far.
One
page,
actually.
I
put
it
to
you,
the
reader,
to
take
it
further:
inundate
my
mailbox
with
the
best
of
your
Israeli
quotes
or
proverbs.
If
we
get
a
couple
of
good
ones,
maybe
the
editor
will
run
them
on
the
Letters
page;
a
couple
of
hundred,
and
maybe
I'll
run
them
as
a
column
(giving
me
a
week
off);
a
couple
of
thousand,
and
by
gum,
I
think
we'd
have
a
book.
(If
we
get
nuthin',
I'll
never
try
this
again.)
Don't
send
your
contributions
to
Bartlett,
send
them
to
me,
at
The
Jerusalem
Post,
POB
81,
Jerusalem
91000,
by
fax
at
02-537-6553,
or
by
email
to
sam@jpost.co.il
.
And
may
the
farce
be
with
you.
