16/2/99
Helping
the haredim out
Mendel began hearing
his own voices when he
was 17. A haredi of the
extremist Lithuanian persuasion,
he wondered if God exists.
He had to know,
and so one day, he snuck
into the basement of his
yeshiva with a box of
matches. It was Shabbat.
He lit one, then a few
more. When the yeshiva
did not fall down upon
his head, he was almost
sure.
Soon after, he
bought a cheese sandwich.
Then, he went to another
store and bought some
meat. He ate them together.
He waited. He didn't die.
And that's how he knew
there is no God.
At the age of 22,
Mendel, a standout student,
told his father he did
not want to continue studying
in yeshiva. On the spot,
he was thrown out of his
home and into the street,
in the middle of the night.
Now, two years
later, Mendel is, like
his father, an extremist
-- but ultra-secular,
profoundly anti-Orthodox.
He lives with the Kfir
family (the names have
been masked) in the Sharon
area.
Mendel fled into
the arms of an organization,
Hillel, that assists haredim
leaving the fold.
"It must be
stressed, we are not anti-haredi,"
says Anat Nevo, a Jerusalemite
active in Hillel. "We're
not 'missionaries,' as
the haredim call us. We
don't actively encourage
them to leave. These people
need help, a lot of help,
and we fill that need."
Knowing how harrowing
and tortuous the secularization
process is, "it would
not be moral for us to
persuade them."
Hillel helps only
those determined enough
to cope; their motivation
must be ideological, their
conviction must be strong.
Children up to
the age of 18 -- some
are even married -- occasionally
turn to Hillel, which
refers them to the municipality's
channels but still provides
background services, such
as foster families.
"The youngest
we helped was a 13-year-old.
Two months after his bar
mitzva, he called us --
on Yom Kippur -- and said,
'Everyone's in shul. I'm
at home, eating, and talking
on the phone.'"
The challenges
they face are phenomenal.
Even adults have to learn
absolutely everything,
and worse, unlearn everything
they know. "They
have a different set of
truths. For instance hormones,
basic anatomy, things
that for us are normal,
explainable; for haredim,
they are damnable,"
and explained away with
untruths.
"The boys
have no secular education,
not even basic math. Girls
do study a bit more, but
usually at a very low
standard." They lack
even minimal cultural
background; they have
zero knowledge, useless
education, no money, no
means to earn, they are
as prepared for society
as a four-year-old. "The
advantage is that they
are very intelligent,
curious, very strong."
One who could not
benefit from this infrastructure
was Shai Horovitz. He
founded Hillel eight years
ago, when he left the
haredi fold at the age
of 17. Two years later,
struggling economically
and unable to get the
services Hillel now provides,
he returned to his former
life.
MENDEL
HAS lived with David and
Batya Kfir for the past
eight months.
"When he came
to us,ג€ David says, ג€he
was very, very suspicious
about everything. He asked,
'What are you profiting
from this?' Every time
there's a disagreement
he says, 'You want me
to leave?' He doesn't
understand it's permissible
to argue.
"What, you
think when my children
and I disagree, it means
they have to leave home?
Well yes, that's what
he thought."
David has done
a lot to temper Mendel's
hot hostility. "His
first Friday with us,
I told him to call his
parents, and wish them
Shabbat shalom. He said
he wasn't speaking to
them anymore, but I insisted.
At the beginning they
behaved terribly when
he called. They shouted
at him. They demanded
to know the hechsher
(kashrut supervision)
in our house. After some
time he snapped at them:
'Have you ever asked if
I even have food to eat?
If I have a bed to sleep
in? All you care about
is the hechsher?! I eat
pork because that's all
there is.' And he hung
up. Still, he calls every
week.
"He was invited
to the wedding of a friend
from his yeshiva days,
and he wanted to make
a point by dressing in
sneakers, jeans and a
tee-shirt. I said to him,
Mendel, this is not how
you dress for a wedding.
He said 'I want them to
see me as I am.' I insisted
he show respect, that
he dress properly and
even put on a kipa --
which is exactly what
I would do. To make his
point, it was enough that
he went without tzitzit
or peyot."
Mendel's ignorance,
and naivete, are shocking,
quaint, even sweet.
"He knows
that every town has a
Herzl Street, but he doesn't
know why. He never heard
of Herzl. Never heard
of the Yom Kippur War,
not a thing.
"One day he
said 'David, I need advice.
I was on the bus, a young
female soldier got on,
and even though the bus
was empty, she sat next
to me. What should I have
understood from this?'
Mendel is very good-looking,
you see. I said maybe
she felt an attraction;
did you speak to her?
'No, how do you speak
to a woman?' I said, talk
about the weather, the
bus driver, anything;
ask where she's going.
And he said, 'Just like
that, to speak without
anything to say?'"
Sex is, in fact,
the most vexing challenge
in Mendel's school of
life. "We really
don't have answers for
him," says David.
"He'll learn, but
probably the hard way."
David, too, has
been learning about life,
and what Mendel reveals
about haredi ways is shocking.
"The haredim
tell their children about
the worst things: rape
and murder and crime.
Mendel understood that
the secular world is full
of [vipers]. Kibbutzim
are depicted as whorehouses
where children don't even
know who their parents
are.
"Mendel says
that the [propaganda]
they get is worse than
what Hamas children get.
According to Anat
Nevo, all newly-former
haredim have the same
startling request: a secular
Shulchan Aruch. Mendel
did too. David recalls
that "after a couple
of weeks, he asked us
for 'the book of rules'
so he could learn conventional
manners."
Mendel assumed
there is a universal guidebook
detailing acceptable secular
behavior. With a lot of
help, he has come to understand
that only his senses can
teach him this.
Hillel's hotline
numbers operate twice
weekly, 6-10 p.m.:
(02) 622-1359 and (03)
528-4494.
