9/2/98
Red-light
district
Somebody from Jerusalem City Hall probably got wind that there's a nonstop route
to
my
home,
sent
a
dick
to
tail
me,
and
came
to
the
inevitable
conclusion:
if
something's
right,
something's
wrong.
I regularly zip through the Talpiot Industrial Zone, and putter down Hebron
Road
to
the
Gilo
junction,
hang
a
right
and
make
it
home
in
a
heartbeat.
Of
course,
that's
in
the
evening,
when
the
industrial
zone
is
abandoned.
A year ago, there were two traffic lights between the Oranim gas station, at
the
beginning
of
the
zone,
and
my
fridge,
five
kilometers
away.
And
both
lights
were
meaningless,
because
I
make
a
right
turn
at
both.
Unstoppable,
I
was.
Now there are 10 sets of lights. Now it takes me double the time to get home.
And
because
the
lights
aren't
synchronized
to
my
convenience,
I
get
lots
of
opportunity
to
sit
and
stew
about
it.
I can only conclude that whoever decided to install those lights ain't never
driven
around
there.
Some
of
those
signals
would
be
put
to
better
use
at
the
bottom
of
the
River
Jordan.
Say what you want about Israeli drivers, they seem to manage quite well at signal-less
minor
intersections.
Especially
in
an
industrial
area,
after
working
hours,
when
there
are
more
cars
crisscrossing
the
Negev
Desert.
Let me give you a f'rinstance.
Just before the corner of Ha'uman and Derech Hebron is a tiny road - more like
a
driveway
-
that
meets
both
streets
on
an
interior
angle.
The
road,
which
doesn't
even
appear
on
most
maps,
is
utterly
unnecessary:
it
provides
access
to
two
small
establishments,
a
gas
station
and
a
diamond
outlet,
neither
of
which
generates
much
traffic,
especially
after
hours.
Yet there is now a set of traffic lights at both ends of it. Every couple of
minutes,
Hebron
Road
grinds
to
a
standstill
to
allow
traffic
to
make
a
left
turn
from
this
driveway,
traffic
that,
even
at
peak
time,
runs
at
a
rate
of
about
one
car
every
five
years.
Continue on Hebron Road, and a block later, hit the brakes for another red light
-
this
one
at
a
road
leading
to
an
immigrant
caravan
camp,
which
generates
as
much
traffic
as
the
ma'abarot
used
to.
Is someone making a fortune from this rampant ramzorizatzia, or what?
What City Hall needs is sensible advice.
Here it is.
Free.
1. After working hours, shut off the damn things, or at least put 'em on blink
mode.
At
such
times,
many
of
the
city's
traffic
lights
hamper
rather
than
control
traffic
flow.
2. Yank out those stupid lights at both ends of The Road To Nowhere, and all
such
intersections
around
town.
3. Next time you think of putting up a traffic light on my route home, give
me
a
call.
Like I said, no charge. Well, waddaya say, City Hall?
I called my favorite spokeswoman, Johanne Malka at the municipality. Like all
good
spokespeople,
she
has
an
answer
for
everything.
To
begin
with,
it
seems
the
city
of
Jerusalem
is
better
off
without
my
advice.
Nobody at City Hall jumped out of his chair and said, 'Hey, this guy's right!'
Nobody
was
ready
to
admit
they
were
a
little
overzealous
in
planting
traffic
control
where
there's
no
traffic
to
control.
Also,
nobody
was
prepared
to
grant
me
a
permit
to
run
red
lights
at
my
discretion.
The
official
explanation
for
all
that
new
hardware
is
that
it
was
deemed
necessary.
ג€The
traffic
light
at
the
corner
of
Ha'uman
and
Hebron
was
installed
after
the
Rakevet
Road
was
opened,
because
it
is
now
considered
an
arterial
road,ג€
Malka
told
me.
Pity no one's using it, I retorted.
The age of blinking yellows has passed, Malka says. ג€In light of the number
of
car
accidents,
the
Municipality's
policy
is
[against]
bliking
mode.ג€
Yes, but ג€“
ג€Also, because Talpiot is an industrial area by day, but a discotheque area
by
night.'
She
did
not
think
the
mayor
would
go
for
my
suggestion
of
compromise:
Shut
down
all
the
discos
and
then
switch
all
the
signals
to
blink
mode
at
night.
Nothing
to
do
but
wait
patiently
and
see
red.
I
asked
our
ever-ready
spokeswoman
how
much
the
needless
signals
cost
at
the
Road
to
Nowhere.
Each
set
is
NIS
200,000.
It got me wondering. What if ...
Nah. They'd never go for it.
Why not? Sure they will! What if our city fathers take down those signals, at
a
saving
of
NIS
200,000,
and
then
offer
to
pay
that
one-driver-every-five-years
a
thousand
shekels
not
to
make
a
left
turn
onto
Hebron
Road?
