7/5/97

Miss Zaftig

     It was over when the fat lady cried.
     Miss Fat Israel was crowned on Saturday night in Beersheba in a beauty contest of epic proportions. The 20 finalists came in all shapes and sizes: large, larger, zaftig.
     How do you get in shape for a contest like this? You guessed it: "I ate," laughed Anat Peretz, who didn't chow down enough to make the final five.
     A buffet table, set up backstage for the girls, was picked clean. Mind you, they didn't nibble on carrot sticks or peck at lettuce leaves: this was a full-force pig-out -- a vat of cholent, halla, mounds of cake and salads heavy on the mayo.
     "The stress here is fat," said Yehudit Karman, a wide 30-year-old blonde. "Beauty is secondary. As you can see, fatties can be pretty."
     "What you see here is the antithesis of classical beauty," said Daniella Shamgar with admirable diplomacy, considering her foxy figure. This woman had a lot of nerve coming here: Shamgar, who made aliya five years ago, was Miss Holland in 1987, and still looks it.
     Shamgar was one of the 17 judges. Yeah, 17. (They could have downsized the jury to just one, me. I picked the winner the moment I laid eyes on her.) The panel included the requisite officials from sponsoring companies, lawyers, local dignitaries, plus actor Ze'ev Revach, celebrated fatty Fanny Rachi (sadly down to 108 kg, from a proud 123) and Miss Israel 1997, Mirit Greenberg.
     The jumbos on stage had no reason to be envious of Greenberg, who looked ridiculously out of place among them.  Greenberg, a sexless, waiflike string-bean who looks like a preteen, weighs in at 54 kg, almost half the magnitude of one contestant, the very scenic Yafit Ohayon (105 kg).
      For many of these lumpy lovelies, winning would be a mere bonus: the real victory was standing on stage, proud and dignified, basking in the applause and wolf-whistles of the packed 700-seat cultural center. Bolstered by each other's support, reveling in their good humor and warmth, no one here felt shame or humiliation or disgust at being fat. And while they paraded about in their portly splendor, their husbands, none of them Adonises themselves, had to appreciate them for being precisely what they are.
     Fanny Rachi (a name that, you should pardon me, seems to mean "soft tushy") was resplendent in a large, slinky, yellow pantsuit for which there was apparently not enough material to reach her upper chest. Nevertheless, what she concealed that was of interest to this journalist was her judgment. "OK, I'll tell you. Number 20 [Miri Levy]  is too thin. Number 12 [Ohayon] is gorgeous. Number 14 [Gila Mamo] has personality."
     So that none of the paying public should go home disappointed, there was plenty of flesh on show: pupiks and pulkes and cleavage. But that was entirely the property of five lithe showgirls who punctuated the program with dance numbers ranging from bellydancing to cabaret. (In addition, a man and woman performed some wondrous tumbling acts -- with her as the tumblee. The woman, a tall, sexy blonde, freaked out the contestants with incredible contortionist moves, prompting Ohayon to mumble, "Oy, I gotta try that tonight.")
     The contestants themselves were modestly dressed. Sorry, guys, no bikinis, no swimsuit competition. They started out with rose-patterned loose frocks, changed into pantsuits and then later, lacy white evening wear. The idea was not to hide the girth, but not to let it all bust out either.
     Esterika Nagid, the dynamic impressario who put on this show, described how it came to be. "I organize lots of beauty contests and fashion shows, but always I knew something was missing. In my gut I knew that beauty was not only for the thin. As I see it, beautiful women are either fat or thin; nothing in between."
     Proud of her discerning eye, she consented to guess the frontrunners: "Iris Gur, Sitvanit Slik, Gila Mamo, Ruti Peretz, Yafit Ohayon: one of those will win."
     As the clock ticked down to the start of the contest, tension gnawed at the contestants. They paced, preened, noshed, joked. Two ladies, worn down by the excitement, yawned. Others practised their smiles. "Oh, God, I'm so nervous I can feel myself getting thin," Bela Beri moaned.
     Anat Peretz and Ruti Peretz responded to the onstage music with a spirited dance. "What great fun," Anat said to gales of laughter that broke the tension, "two fat ladies dancing together." (The music was naturally selected to theme, but although they did play "I Love You Just the Way You Are" regrettably they chose for the crowning "Isn't She Lovely" rather than the more obvious "Big Girls Don't Cry.")
     Ten minutes to showtime. Iris Gur, tall and big-boned rather than plump, announced that "If I win, I'm going on a crash diet." A couple of others razzed her, and a skinny flower girl said, with little sincerity, that she wished she were fat.
     Ohayon, a sumptuous raven-haired beauty, nodded in the direction of Mamo. "She's going to win. She's beautiful inside and out." Ohayon, a favorite herself, admitted she didn't want to be fat.
     Five minutes to go.
     Joe Lev, one of the tuxedoed chaperones, evoked fantasies in every woman there. However, the tanned 22-year-old Italian-Israeli, blessed with wit, charm, intelligence and Romeoesque beauty, was unavailable. "Let's be honest," he said in an undertone. "They're fat."
     He picked Kalanit Rakovsky -- probably the thinnest of them all -- to win. "She's the most beautiful. Fat with a figure. But Ruti Peretz has the sweetest smile."
     Lev said it had been hard to work with them "because they're not professional models. They've never done this before."
     Time!
     An official hurried in. "Alright, ladies, this is it. Everyone shut off your cell phones!"
     The ladies marched out on stage and the crowd went nuts. It soon became apparent why: Ruti Peretz had filled the hall with her entire clan -- every time she moved, she got a standing ovation. Nobody resented her, though, because she was such a sweetie.
     "Ladies and gentlemen, the five finalists!"
     Iris Gur, 31, 1.75 tall, green eyes, curly brown hair, a full-bodied beauty.
     Fabiana Birendorf, 28, 1.78, big brown eyes, short brown hair, svelte with padding.
     Gila Mamo, 29, 1.70, dazzling green eyes, red hair, every bit of her huggable.
     Ruti Peretz, 35, 1.70, crisp blue eyes, blonde hair, ultimate proof that fat people tend to be jolly.
     Yafit Ohayon, 23, 1.72, exotic brown eyes, a cloud of black hair, a veritable eyeful.
     Peretz, from nearby Lehavim, brought the house down when she was named Miss Congeniality.
     And finally ... Miss Fat Israel 1997 ... Beersheba's own pride and joy ... Gila Mamo!   
     You've never seen anyone so proud as her husband Yehuda. "That's my queen," he said with a broad grin. Their three young sons gawked in astonishment at the fuss surrounding Mommy. "People need meat on them," Yehuda said, and laughed, as he shot a glance at Mirit Greenberg. "Nebich."
     Gila, who might have won Miss Thin Israel if she'd entered, divulged her 94-kg secret (an exclusive for this reporter): "Pasta. I love pasta. And bread and couscous. Best way to get fat."
     Nineteen hefty heartthrobs converged on Gila for a huge hug-in. Behind them, on the stage wall, was a most appropriate tribute: a poster of the most beautiful fatty of them all, Mona Lisa. She was smiling.