18/6/97

Sez You!
Nuggets of kiddy wisdom

    The "Sez You!" search for kidwit produced results that prove once and for all that our young 'uns are geniuses. Response was strong, though 97% of respondents didn't want to be bothered with writing their gems down, prefering to stop me in the street or call me at home to tell me about their brilliant children. 
    In the interest of scientific exactitude, I rebuffed the urge to include anything from my own kids. (I'm saving that for a book.)
    Right then, enough of that. Ladies and gentlemen, the children speak:

    Sivan, almost six, was walking with her grandmother, and feeling thirsty asked for a "choco."
    "But you just had one! What is this craving you have for chocolate?" grandma asked.
    Sivan shot back a response that was right on the money: "Well, Bubby, it's all that advertising."
-- Edythe Friedlander, Rehovot

    (Hasn't Sivan seen all those ads for carrots and spinach?)

    A senior citizen was visiting a friend, whose little girl asked the old woman her age; she was told it's impolite to ask that of a lady.  

    The little girl looked at the visitor again. "Is it OK to ask if those are her real teeth?"

-- Kathy Salmanson 

    (She should have asked the woman how old her teeth are.)

    When the dog died, I wailed in grief for a while, but stopped abruptly when my granddaughter put it in perspective. "I don't know why you're making such a fuss, zayde -- I think it was much sadder when your mother died."

-- CBK, Kibbutz Lavi

    (Good point: did Oedipus love his dog?)

    When my daughter Clelia was two and half, she was taken to visit an aunt, who owned a pekinese. My daughter had never before seen a dog up close before.

     After looking at the creature for quite a long time, she finally asked: "Can the dog talk?" On being told no, she then asked: "Can the dog think?" (Clelia now has seven grandchildren of her own.)

-- Marcella Segre, Jerusalem

    (Puppies have been known to wonder if children can bark.)

    Daniel, three years old with four siblings, was told by his kindergarten teacher to draw a picture of his family, including a pet. His work of art consisted of three figures and an animal -- even though we don't have a pet. 

    I thought he might have been expressing a desire for a dog or cat, but no; his explanation: "That's Mommy, that's Daddy, that's Daniel, that's a juk (cockroach)." 

-- Vicky Rachmani, Petah Tikva

    (Now it's public knowledge: the Rachmanis have a roach.)

   

One day, when my granddaughter Adriani was three, her mother and I were talking endlessly. Adriani became jealous and shouted: "Stop it! What's all this speakiness about?!"

-- Leonia Singer, Jerusalem

    (Do the men of the family ever get a word in?)

   

My five-year-old grandson was informed by his modern, enlightened parents that they'd be expecting a third baby. 

    Knowing all about how babies are made (or almost all), he stated: "So you did it three times -- once for me, once for my sister, and again for our new baby." 

    He then added: "Why didn't I get to see how it was done?" 

    Told that "it" was done while he was asleep, he asked, "Then why didn't you wake me up?"

-- Veda Kahn, Kiryat Bialik

    (And you thought exposure to advertising was a problem.)

    It was the day of my daughter's fourth birthday and I came out of hospital with her new baby brother. She asked how he was put in my stomach and I decided to tell her the truth, very tactfully. She contemplated that for a few minutes and then said, "It's a good job daddy did this with you, otherwise we would not have been here." 

-- Ena Dorsman, Kibbutz Ayelet Hashahar

    (Mrs. Dorsman could have asked Mrs. Kahn's grandson to explain it all.)

    When Dana was three, her kindergarten teacher saw her sitting on the steps of the school. "What are you doing here alone, Dana?" the teacher asked. Came the reply: "Ma pitom? I'm not alone, I'm with me."

-- Leonia Singer, Jerusalem

    (Dana could grow up to be Shimon Peres.) 

   

My grandson Dror used to suck his thumb and at the same time twist the hair on his head. When he was three, he explained why: "This is the key to my thoughts."

-- Leonia Singer, Jerusalem

    (The Singer Family motto: I think, therefore I am alone.)

    When Ortal was two years old, she still hadn't figured out the difference between "my," "his," "its," etc. She was looking at a picture of a monkey and its baby, and described the scene thus: "That's the baby, and that's my Mommy."

-- Vicky Rachmani, Petah Tikva

    (Or maybe she got it right, and Mrs. Rachmani needs electrolysis.)

    When Yoel was 4 1/2, he wanted to know what happens to your body when you die. His grandfather explained that your soul goes up to heaven to be with God. 

    A few months later, Yoel overheard me telling someone that my grandfather, many years ago, had a heart attack in the car and died. 

    "His head must have gotten a big booboo going to heaven," Yoel said. Why? "It had to first go through the roof of the car."

-- Ellen Cohen, Jerusalem

    (There oughtta be a law: people about to go to Heaven should only drive in convertibles.)

    I was escorting my six-year-old granddaughter Yael back home from school. She complained that she was tired, and I pointed out that it's really not such a long walk. 

    "True," she replied. "But relatively it is quite long."

-- Menachem Bloch

    (When the Talmud is next updated, Yael should be in it.)

    When the Ethiopians immigrated, Ya'acov, 4, was told by his father that a lot of people are coming to live in Israel and they're very nice and they're Jewish just like we are, and their skin is black. 

    A couple of weeks later while out taking a stroll, they spotted a group of Ethiopians. Said Ya'acov: "Look, Daddy -- Jews!"

-- JM, Jerusalem

    (There is hope.)